AOS: DROWNING
by thewomanwhosoldtheworld
Summary: A post FitzSimmons reunion Jemma POV, she feels like she is drowning all over again... she saw the way he is with Mack. She isn't jealous, she's heartbroken...


A/N: So I'm trying to write a POV from Jemma, I just feel like someone who went through something like that would have suffered as well, not as much as Fitz and definitely not physically but probably mentally and emotionally so here's my attempt at that. Thanks for reading and reviewing if you do, I hope you enjoy, I own nothing.

Summary: A post FitzSimmons reunion Jemma POV, she feels like she is drowning all over again... she saw the way he is with Mack. She isn't jealous, she's heartbroken...

**AOS: DROWNING**

Jemma used to love swimming.

Jemma can't even dip her toes into the water now. She stands at the edge of the Playground's pool staring down at the water and all she can think about is _that_ day.

She hates Ward.

She hates Hydra.

She lost more than just a part of herself that day, she lost _him_.

She wonders if he will ever forgive her, if she will ever forgive herself for what happened. She can barely look at him without remembering, without the unbearable weight of guilt pulling her down into an abyss that has no escape.

She feels like she is drowning all over again.

This time in her own guilt, and in Fitz's anger.

She saw the way he is with Mack. She isn't jealous, she is heartbroken...

So she decided to stay away from him, she works in the garage, or what used to be their lab now. She sleeps in the room at the other end of the Playground and it almost feels like she is undercover again. She is an outsider to him, she finds it hard to reconnect to Skye, May is concerned with Coulson and Coulson, well something is wrong with him. Jemma isn't quite sure what it is yet as she hasn't been briefed but there is something visibly wrong with the Director.

Mack is standoffish and Hunter is to concerned with Bobbi to talk to anyone.

So she goes about her business quietly, offering advice when needed and sticking to her own projects when there isn't a case to focus on.

Weeks pass, Skye is busy finding her father the one night she needs to talk to someone so she heads down to the pool and here she is, standing at the edge staring down into the water.

Feeling like she is drowning even though she is not even in the water.

She wraps her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very cold. It reminds her of that day, when she swam up to the top of the ocean, feeling like she would never reach the top, her hands so numb she couldn't even feel if she was still holding on to Fitz. She had to glance down every few seconds to make sure he was still there, she silently curses herself for it, if only she swam faster.

If only she hadn't of been there.

How could she come out of this so unscathed and yet Fitz is the way he is.

"Jemma?" Fitz's voice pulls her out of her thoughts. She turns to him, he is standing a few feet away, she didn't even hear him come in.

"Are... are you ok?" He asks taking a step forward.

"I'm fine Fitz." She forces a smile to her lips. Fitz frowns, a flash of annoyance passes across his face.

"It's ok, I'm fine."

The frustration on his face grows, he knows she is lying and worse yet Jemma refuses to tell him the truth even though she knows he knows she is lying.

"Why won't you... why won't you talk... why won't you tell me the truth?" He finally says.

"Because it's my fault." The words falls out of her mouth before she can even stop them. She immediately curses at herself silently.

"What?"

She doesn't answer him for almost a minute, staring at the water in front of her. Even when she does go to speak she refuses to look up at him.

"I-I shouldn't have been there. You would have had enough air if I hadn't of been there. I should have swum faster. I should let you be who you are instead of reminding you of who you were. I should have told you the truth when I left but I couldn't... I shouldn't be here now. I make you worse Fitz. That's why I left because I make you worse."

Silence fills the void in between them and for a brief second she thinks he has left until she forces herself to look up at him.

Fitz stays silent, his expression is unreadable and she is almost afraid to move. She waits until finally he makes his way across to her until he is close enough that Jemma can smell the grease on him.

He must have worked on a car with Mack before coming down here.

"Ward did this. Hydra did this." He says strongly and she nods, she doesn't believe it, at least not in the way he does. Maybe one day she will, or at least she might come to the point where she can lie to herself enough and believe what Fitz does.

"Coulson wants everyone up stairs." Fitz says eventually and Jemma nods, emotions bubble under the surface of her.

"I missed you Fitz." She blurts out, she has already said too much so she throws caution to the wind. It's late, she tired and frankly at the moment she doesn't care that Coulson is waiting for them.

"I missed you to." He says softly before smiling, he motions for her to follow him.

"I'll be up in a minute."

With that he disappears and she turns her attention back to the water in front of her. She takes a deep breath and lowers her right foot into the pool while holding on to the railing, she just dips her toes in before quickly retreating.

She lets out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding, she turns and grabs her shoes before running up the stairs towards the briefing room.

Jemma used to love swimming.

For the first time since _that_ day she feels like she might be able to love it once more.


End file.
